Monday, October 31, 2005

Jeff Goldstein has some potential questions for Sen Feinstein to ask Judge Alito.
Here's another, for which you can thank me as you see fit:
Judge, let me give you an imaginary scenario. A fourteen year-old girl wants an abortion. She claims that she became pregnant as a result of her father raping her while her mother either held her down or went to get him a brew. She refuses to allow any testing to prove her claim because she claims to have become a born-again Christian and wants to turn the other cheek. Under such circumstances, would you still insist on parental notification, knowing what you know I just made up? Also, would it make any difference if she referred to Gaia instaed of Jesus?


A quote from Sen Harry Reid's "blog" ("Paid for by Friends For Harry Reid 422 C St. NE Washington, DC 20002"):
The nomination of Judge Alito requires an especially long hard look by the Senate because of what happened last week to Harriet Miers. Conservative activists forced Miers to withdraw from consideration for this same Supreme Court seat because she was not radical enough for them. Now the Senate needs to find out if the man replacing Miers is too radical for the American people.

Translation: now we have to convince the people who foolishly threw us out of office and gave control of the government to the evil them that what they really want is another judge who thinks the same way we do. It's pull-the-wool-over-the-eyes time again.

Go Go Alito! (Our new rallying cry - we can go back to "Glenn Glenn - Evil Hen!" next month.)

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Sorry about Harriet Miers, Mr President. Now give us a real conservative constructionist and to hell with people like Nevada's Senator Harry. Do you know the line in Isaiah about "this bruised reid... which if a man leans on it, it will go into his hand and pierce it"? (Chap 36)

Someone said he heard I suffered from erectile dysfunction. "yeah, that's right," I said, "I had an erectile and dysfunctioned your mother." (To be said in a Dice Clay voice...)

Hey, man, did you hear about the hippie who could talk to germs? He spoke fluent germ, man..."

Death to squabs. Preferably with BBQ sauce. A message from PETAS (Pervs eating Testy Andrew Sullivans...) Alas, poor Sully, I knew him well (not like Adam and Eve, jackass.) Is the poor fellow still asking for money? Oh who cares, he is quite a good writer. If I had to make a choice between only reading Sully or only reading Hitchens, I'd say Hitchens but I'd miss reading Sullivan. Wachet auf, Andrew! There are more important things in the world than you getting married.

Speaking of which, while I'm on a minor roll (and I actually have work to do, that I ought to be getting paid for but that's another hilariously sad story), does anyone besides me think that legalizing homosexual marriage (admission of bias - barf...) would (1) be a real winner for lawyers, who will end up making scads of money dealing with a new bunch of divorce cases and palimony suits; (2) lead to scads of phony green card marriages (Ralph, can you prove you and Pedro are having sex with eachother - no, wait, I can guess how they'll response...); and (3) lead to lots of phony marriages (see supra) so someone can get family health care coverage at someone else's (ours, really) expense?

Hurray for alcohol. I must work. Phooey.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

from the British paper The Independent:
Britain could be left paralysed by energy shortages, a health crisis and gridlock on the roads if the predicted Arctic winter strikes with severity.
Calling Al Gore: you may need to make another speech on global warming - be sure to bundle up good.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Apropos the PETA "Your father is a murderer if he goes fishing" thing, does anyone besides me remember the "popler" episode of Futurama? The leader of the veg-a-nuts protesting outside the Planet Express building responds to Leela's "it's natural for animals eat other animals" line by loudly saying, "No it isn't! We taught a lion to eat tofu!" and we then get a shot of a sad scrawny lion with a bad cough.
Would it be all right to eat unborn tuna if you convince the mother tuna that's it's fine to get an abortion..? (A thought brought on by a well-made comment over at Frank J's Place.)
Anyway, fish eat other fish. Think it's fun when one of those cute little silvery fish gets nabbed by a lobster or caught by a jellyfish? What about when a crab gets caught by an octopus - puts up a fight but ends up dead and digested. Ever see film of a bear or an eagle eating a salmon? Not a pretty sight, certainly not for another salmon. And if it turns out that Bill Bear and Harry Bear are not above willfully mistaking one-another for Lisa Bear, doesn't that show that it's natural..?

Fifth anniversary of the attack on the USS Cole. Thank you, Bill Clinton, for the plan to fight terrorism that you expected the next president to impliment. Big-nosed putz.

Yom Kippur. Time to break some vows made under duress...

Monday, October 10, 2005

So Joel Hinrichs wasn't politically motivated, according to his father. Is bin Laden politically motivated? All right, I don't know anything much about this guy - maybe he was a mixed-up guy who wanted to kill himself but found a way to get some attention at the same time (you don't necessary need your fifteen minutes of fame while you're alive.) Maybe he was motivated by radical religious or political ideas, got cold feet, felt like a failure and killed himself. I don't claim to be able to read the subconscious mind of dead people.
But hark - a different thought. Imaging that the FBI (or whoever) went to his apartment and found lots of materials from some rightwing or evangelical christian organizations. Would the Old Media shrug off an apparent bombing attempt by someone who had an autographed picture of, say, Barry Goldwater or the pope on his wall?

SNURF: verb: to snuff a smurf. Also to smuff a snurf, or to srnuff a snrfu, which are equally meaningful..

A Smurf snuff film - the idiots who made it have no clue as to how many kids will think it's absolutely hilarious and only complain that it wasn't long or graphic enough. This is what happens when know-it-alls who wanted to ban the Three Stooges get to make... well, anything.

Next up:
Snuolfiver: noun: the act of a large political halfwit being attacked by small blue people in search of donuts.

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